• AnthonyMusumeci

Tom Nook, or Tom Crook?


Tom Nook...or Crook?

I want you to imagine this; You are approached by a travel agent. He pitches you this amazing idea of taking a trip to an absolutely BEAUTIFUL tropical island. You've been slaving away at your 9-5, neglecting to use any paid-time-off. I know, late stage capitalism can be rough. But this particular offer is too enticing. The sand, the palm trees. You think to yourself, "You know what? I need a break. I deserve a break". And you decide this island getaway is exactly what you need to decompress and just. finally. relax..


Except that travel agent was a fucking raccoon, and the entire island is completely uninhabited. Of course, it was explained to you the island was deserted.. But come'on, that was obviously a gimmick...right? And that's not all, as the realization sets in that you were just duped FYRE style, Tom Fucking Nook decides that you owe him a ton of money and throws your ass into a fucking tent. But wait, it gets better.


As you sit in your tent on this deserted island, evil capitalist Tom Nook decides to shit on your vacation entirely by demanding he needs three houses built (Of course, this is after he "convinces" you to build one for yourself first, and not for free. Oh no, never for free.) Can you imagine? And through his condescending demeanor of "we're in this together" you decide to comply. Why? Who knows. Perhaps you've watched Castaway with Tom Hanks too many times and you're slowly anticipating the deterioration of your mind. But it's probably because you have no other choice besides smashing a coconut over your head and hoping it fucking kills you.



So you build these houses. And you build some more houses. And you slowly recruit an army of animal-like humanoids to live in your dystopian cult-like island, overseen by all-father Tom Nook. Your fences are built, study and strong. Your Japanese Zen garden is complete, and of course it would look better if that one bamboo tree was centered. All of your inclines and bridges have been constructed and reinforced. Then, the truth comes out. This was never about you. It was never about an island getaway.


This is about Tom Nook's infatuation with his favorite performer. The infamous K.K. Slider. The coolest cat (well, dog) in Animal Crossing history. That's what this whole thing was about. Tom Nook just wanted to impress his idol enough so he could come perform for him live. So he formulated this entire plan of duping a pour soul into debt slavery in order to build an ACTUAL resort for K.K. Slider to come play his music.


And the credits roll. Congratulations! You've paid off your debts, K.K. came and slayed his performance, and Tom Nook is as happy as a 55 year old woman who finally got to see her idol Bret Michaels live and in concert! (albeit, a little older and a little slower but that's okay).


And now here you are. 250 hours poorer, and you have been successfully duped by Mr. Nook once more. How could you let this happen? He's been conning you into building his empire for him since 2001. (and every few years after). I understand the dilemma, I've been there too. Time and time again. So what exactly is it that allows us to comply once more with evil Tom Nook? Is it the irresistibly cute animal villagers? Or perhaps it's the creative freedom that you are gifted by the ever so generous overlord?


Or, it's the basic reward system installed into your brain that absolutely LOVES the little jingle that plays each time you do something successful in the game that takes you forward... No, no. We all know it's to brag on Reddit and show off the most complex looking island imaginable in the hopes that we strike envy into the hearts of all of our friends and enemies. Whatever it is, Tom Nook needs to be incarcerated for his years of false advertising and his numerous human-rights violations. I propose for the next Animal Crossing game, we take the roll of prison warden. Tom Nook is now our prisoner, and he's forced into multiple tedious tasks of building, expanding, and decorating his own prison cell. Sorry your shovel broke Tom, that'll be 2500 bells.


That being said, I have to go now.. My roads are almost complete, and Tom is counting on me to get it done. He said if I get it done by sundown, I'll get two apples for dinner instead of one!

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